The Peacock's Tale
by l0stinl0ve
Summary: Something dastardly has been going on with the Malfoy peacocks. When the Aurors aren't able to find any leads, Harry brings on Hermione and her assistant to figure things out.


Written for bottom!Draco with the adaption prompt for Agatha Christie [which was hard as all hell, btw].

Wrote this whole thing in one evening and it's actually one of my most favorite bits of writing. Thanks Bei!

Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

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**The Peacock's Tale**

"Mays I be getting anything else for Master Draco, a members of the Most Honourable House of Black?" Kreacher asked, placing the now full goblet of wine on the dining table.

Hermione smiled at how well the house-elf treated everyone now, especially when Draco was around. When Draco nodded in her direction, Kreacher was quick to offer her his service.

"Will Missy Grangy needs anything?"

"No, thank you, Kreacher." Hermione squeezed Draco's thigh. Weekly dinners at Grimmauld Place were more than tolerable when Draco was in attendance. Her boyfriend couldn't help but take advantage of rubbing it into his ancestors face that the last two surviving members of the Black family would ruin their pure-blood creed. Hermione could help but be smug at how proud Draco was of their relationship.

"So did you ever figure out what happened to Lucius' prized peacocks? Blaise asked, putting down his cutlery to focus on the gossip. He sat across from Hermione and was enjoying the fine pheasant and quail Kreacher made for everyone. All it took was one word from Draco and Kreacher was serving all of Hermione the most lavish of foods. It helped that she found it all delicious. He was such a good boyfriend, taking care of the smallest details to please her.

At Draco's arched brow, Hermione grinned, knowing how he would refrain from appeasing his vulture of a best friend.

"I told you not to say anything," Harry seethed under his breath so that only the people next to him - Blaise, Hermione, and Draco - could hear. He was seated at the head of the table with his husband to his right.

Draco snorted and Hermione pinched his knee. It wouldn't do for him to be rude - even if she agreed with his sentiment. Blaise Zabini not fishing for information was like Ginny Weasley not squealing at the sound of fresh news.

"Oh!" Ginny squealed.

This time Hermione snorted. Narrowing her eyes at the smirk that graced Draco's face, she pinched his knee once more.

"What happened?" Ginny asked, disregarding her meal.

"Ginny," Daphne, her girlfriend who sat next to Blaise, chided, "You really shouldn't." It didn't pass the notice of anyone when she tried to subtly point out Draco with her eyes.

Ginny only swatted her hands to dismiss it.

"Come on, you know we like to hear about your cases," Lavender insisted, much to the chagrin of her husband Theo, who was sitting next to Draco.

"Plus, its Lucius Malfoy, how could we _not_ want to know more?" Ron added, with a huge grin on his face. He was ignoring the tsking noise his wife, Pansy, was making from his left. They were seated at the opposite end of the table, Ron at the head, and his wife on the right, sitting next to her sister-in-law.

"Fine," Harry huffed, happy that at least the meal was mostly finished. "The Auror office recently received reports from Malfoy Manor that something dastardly was occurring on the grounds."

"That could mean anything. It's the Manor!" Pansy exclaimed.

Hermione squeezed Draco's thigh, showing him support. While the story was hilarious, at that moment in time, the group could have been talking about the death of Lucius for all they knew.

"You know how Lucius loves his peacocks, right?" Harry asked, pushing his now completed meal away. It, like most of the other plates on the table, popped into the kitchen for Kreacher.

When everyone nodded, Harry continued, "Well, my team and I stepped onto the grounds to find them all painted Gryffindor red, with gold feathers. Lucius was beside himself."

"I'd pay good money to see that," Ron chortled.

"You and me both," Ginny agreed. Their Slytherin counterparts rolled their eyes at the Weasley antics, and Hermione shared a secret smile with Draco.

"Why were they red? Who did it?" Lavender asked, taking a sip from her wine.

"We didn't know," Harry responded, glaring at his significant other for bringing up the topic. He usually enjoyed these dinners, but that was when he could report on a successful Auror mission. This time he was going to have to give the limelight to Draco - something he tried very, very hard to never do. "We had to bring in a consultant."

"And he means Hermione, by that," Draco added, very much smug about being with the person who saved the day. _Again_. Hermione squeezed his thigh in thanks.

"Yeah," Harry continued. "We had to ask Hermione to come help. Hermione and her _assistant_," he sent a pointed glare at Draco, "took over."

"Yes, and it was most fun." Hermione smiled, unhappy with how Harry was letting childhood rivalries affect the budding friendship with her boyfriend. She'd have a talk with Blaise later. For as much as Harry tried to be in charge in his life, the boy would slay a Swedish Short-Snout for Blaise, much like her relationship with Draco. She mentally sighed. Her life was good.

"Do tell." Ginny clapped excitedly while Ron whipped his head at her direction, eager to learn about a Malfoy's embarrassment.

"Well, Draco and I actually were at the Manor for morning tea with Narcissa and happened to run into Harry," Hermione said.

"Yeah, and he had a peacock following him around trying to hump his leg," Draco snickered.

"It was most unbecoming," Hermione added, poking fun at her best friend to repay his earlier slight towards Draco. Only she was allowed to be mean to the man, and that was because he _liked_ it when it was coming from her.

The whole table roared in laughter as Harry's face turned red. Draco's smile of thanks more than made up for Hermione's jab at her best friend.

It took several minutes, and another round of wine brought out by Kreacher, for them to settle down. Harry's face was as red as a Weasley's hair by the time Hermione was ready to continue with the tale.

"So, how did you get the bird off him?" Blaise asked, clearly pitying his husband.

Too bad he asked the one question that wouldn't help, Hermione thought. She squeezed Draco's thigh in warning to not lay it on thick.

"We didn't," Draco responded, holding his goblet to his lips to hide his smirk. Hermione felt that was probably the best that he could do so she didn't pinch him; she'd just remember it for later.

Hermione glared at the table, making sure that the riotous laughter didn't restart. Instead, they chuckled, and Hermione decided it best to move on before it was too late. "Based off the sort of prank-"

"And something my mother said that morning," Draco interrupted, upsetting Hermione, ensuring she pinched him just then.

"Yes, based off the sort of prank and Narcissa explaining a conversation she partook in the previous week in Flourish & Blotts with our favourite twins, we figured it wouldn't hurt to pay them a little visit."

"What did my dear brother-in-laws say this time? Were they trying to bypass Lucius and get Narcissa to invest in their store expansion? Or was it just some tacky joke like always?" Pansy asked.

"A mixture of both," Draco responded, calling for Kreacher to pour Hermione more wine. She smiled at him in thanks - he could be so thoughtful. But it wouldn't make her forget about his earlier blunder.

"While explaining to Narcissa why they were seeking her out instead of Lucius, they explained he didn't seem the type to lighten up." Hermione explained. "So, armed with that information, we finished tea-"

"Did Narcissa treat you to her delicious egg salad sandwich with the watercress?" Daphne interrupted.

"Oh, or maybe the ham and swiss with mustard spread," Pansy added.

"No, it was a Wednesday so she would have been offering the cheddar and chutney," Blaise countered.

Hermione looked at the boy in awe. How did he know that?

"Your such a pansy, Blaise," Theo jeered. "No offense, Pans," he added, giving her a sheepish smile.

"Oi!" Both Harry and Ron shouted at the offense of their loved ones.

"Anyways," Draco interjected, not raising his voice, but still drawing the impeding argument to a halt. Hermione smirked in his direction. He was sweet, thoughtful, and useful. Just about perfect for her.

"Yes, anyways. We went to visit the twins at the shop. It was surprisingly busy for mid-week so we had to loiter for a bit until there wasn't a queue. We followed them into the back-"

"Worst place ever," Ginny muttered. Both Ron and Daphne nodded in agreement.

"And," Hermione continued as if she didn't hear the other woman, "we discussed some of their latest products. What had recently been released, what they had in the pipeline. That sort of thing."

"Anything good?" Theo asked.

"Naw, just the regular," Draco responded before Hermione could berate everyone for interrupting. She smacked his knee. They were all the ones who asked for the story, and now they just kept interrupting her. She was of mind to just stop sharing, grab her boytoy by the hand, and leave. She'd take out her frustration the best way she knew how.

And Draco would love it anyway, as he always did.

"Yes," she harrumphed, "We had asked them if they were working on anything House colour related, but they said that all their attempts were proving futile."

"Oh I know," Pansy exclaimed.

"How?" Lavender asked, making Hermione cross her arms. Draco gave her a consillitory smile and Hermione gave him the look that meant that later would be fun - _for her_.

"I'm the one stuck doing all of Ron's laundry. I don't know why he's the ginny pig-"

"Guinea," Daphne corrected.

"Right, guinea pig. Sorry Gin. It's just a Muggle phrase they keep saying and I've only just learned the t.b."

"TV, Pans," Blaise facepalmed.

Hermione laughed into her hand. Maybe she could let them have their sidechat. As long as it kept her amused. If not, maybe she could entertain herself with Draco. She grabbed his knee and squeezed before trailing her hand up towards where leg met hip.

Hermione watched him in the corner of her eye. He was well trained in that he didn't so much as flinch from the surprise. If everyone else was going to be distracted with Godric knew what, she would be distracted with the delicious piece of -

"Do you want to know the rest of the story or not?" Harry railed.

"Sorry," they all mumbled.

"Please continue, Hermione," Blaise gestured with his hand, raising a brow in Draco's direction when his lips twitched.

Hermione pinched Draco's skin in reprimand for displaying their game. "Yes, all _their_ attempts failed, and after reviewing their stores, we concluded it couldn't be them. Especially as they asked us why we wanted to know before leaving. I didn't give them the specifics, just told them that something managed to turn a typically albino bird maroon and gold."

"They asked if we could get them the recipe" Draco added, attempting to keep his voice even. Hermione wasn't sure if she wanted that; she rubbed his member through his trousers, pleased when his voice hitched at the end. "Should we find it."

"So that was a bust?" Daphne asked.

"Yup," Harry responded, eyeing Hermione and Draco as they both didn't respond right away. Draco was busy trying to keep a passive face while Hermione was pulling down the zip and taking his cock out. It was such a pretty thing.

"And how do you know?" Ginny questioned, leaning onto the table on her elbows.

"Well, after that, they came back to the Manor."

"Why were you still there?" Lavender queried, copying Ginny's posture.

Hermione was paying attention to the table in the corner of her eye, but her focus was on the silky, hard flesh in her hand. She slowly stroked through time with her breaths, enjoying the flush building on his cheeks.

"There was a bloody bird on my leg. It wouldn't bugger off!" Harry shouted, slamming his hands on the table.

Yelping, Draco swatted Hermione's hand away, drawing everyone's attention away from the fuming Harry towards the quiet pair. Hermione patted his now flaccid cock in apology before folding her hands where everyone could see them.

"Right, right," Hermione said in a sing-song voice. If she didn't acknowledge she was doing something wrong, then she wasn't doing something wrong. No one had seen what she was doing, and she knew Draco wouldn't tell. Taking a page out of the Slytherin handbook, she politicked on. "Only some of the birds were stalking intruders to the grounds. All of them were still strutting in Gryffindor colours, but by the time we got there, another symptom came to light."

"Did they lose all their feathers?" Ron asked, riveted by the plight of the peacocks.

"Idiot, how could they lose all their feathers if they were still maroon and gold?" Theo chided.

"I don't know, they still have skin under all that fluff," Ron huffed, crossing his arms. Pansy patted his arm and glared at the offending Slytherin.

"What happened?" Lavender and Ginny both asked, ignoring the happenings at the end of the table.

"The one on my leg called me a pillock," Harry murmured, face blotched red.

The argument at the end of the table halted, and for thirty seconds, the room was silent. When what was said finally hit, everyone exploded into laughter. Ron even managed to fall out of his chair. Ginny knocked over her wine. Hermione giggled in memory, but Draco held his laughter, opting to slowly sipped into his drink. Maybe she wouldn't discipline him later. He was being considerate to her best friend, and that rarely ever happened. She would use positive reinforcement and hopefully he would learn that should he treat Harry right, he'd be rewarded for it.

"How did that happen?" Blaise asked, breathlessly. He, too, was trying to hold back laughter but he couldn't help the tears rolling down his face. Harry glared at his husband, making Blaise try to appease him.

Shaking his head, Harry continued, "The peacock kept shouting at me! First it was 'Oh man, you need a shower,' and then it was," Harry ranted, "'Did something crawl up your arse and die?' and 'Bugger off you git!'"

Everyone kept laughing, and Harry's face turned redder and redder. Blaise grabbed his hand and bit into his fist. It appeared that Harry appreciated the gesture, and the corners of his lips started to lift.

"If he laughs, can I laugh," Draco whispered into Hermione's ear, sending a tingle down her spine.

Nodding, she kissed his cheek and returned her hand to his thigh. She wasn't going to risk harming her favourite toy and would just keep him on the edge, maybe go so far as to rub him through his trousers, but she wouldn't pull it out again.

"The potion was time delayed, symptoms coming to the surface after an hour or two. We were able to surmise that the peacocks were behaving as a deterrent, scaring visitors off."

"More like annoying," Pansy snorted.

"Or pestering," Daphne added.

"How does that work?" Ginny asked, patting her hand over Daphne's, pulling her away from side chatting with their sister-in-law.

"Mother mentioned how Lovegood mentioned that having the peacocks roam the grounds without any purpose seemed dull."

"And why was Luna at your house?" Blaise asked, still holding Harry's hand. Hermione could see the love between the two, and she patted Draco's cock in reverence, hoping he knew what she meant.

"An article for the _Quibbler_. Something about large Manor homes being more susceptible to -"

"Nargles," the whole tabled finished for him, chuckling.

Draco smirked, then nodded.

"And stalking guests and telling them off? That seemed like the sort of thing Luna would consider dastardly. So we went to see her next," Hermione responded.

"I don't think I even want to know how that went," Ron rolled his eyes, his side of the table nodding their heads in agreement.

"Yeah, I don't think I want to relive it," Draco muttered, causing Harry and Blaise to snort.

Hermione pinched his thigh; she may have to retract the reward she wanted to give him later. "It was enlightening, to say the least," Hermione finally stammered out. She agreed with the sentiment. She loved Luna to death, but they would never see eye to eye - except when it came to sex, that girl could run circles around Hermione when it came to her relationship with Greg.

"We showed up at her home in time for afternoon tea, which she invited us for."

"Don't tell me you had to have the murky tea her father liked to make," Ron gagged.

"Thankfully, no. But we did have a couple cucumber and radish finger sandwiches." Everyone cringed. "We sat with her and Greg, catching up, that sort of thing."

"How is Greg?" Theo asked, mostly to Draco.

"Pretty good, actually. You'd be surprised by how happy he seems with Lovegood," Draco answered, sincerely happy for his friend. It was something that Hermione and he had discussed afterwards. And while normal conversation could be stilted between Lovegood and the rest of them, talk of a sexual nature would bring them together. Hermione and Luna were even considering a sort of joint-play session-

"So was it her?" All girls at the table asked, finishing their wine, and wanting to finish the story.

"No," Hermione shook her head, "We explained to her how the peacocks were behaving and she was genuinely interested, wondering if the nargles managed to burrow into the hen feed."

"Likely story," Theo huffed.

"Oh, it gets better," Draco smirked.

"Yeah, she explained that if the nargles were at fault, as she assumed, the food needed to be washed thrice daily and sprinkled with sugar for a week," Hermione added.

"We left shortly after," Draco said.

The room was full of glee, everyone laughing, bellies full of wine. Hermione couldn't wait for how they would react when they learned who the _true_ culprit was, and the reason. She was hoping for a few shocked gasps, that was for sure. It wouldn't compare to the one on Draco's face when they had found out on that Wednesday, but it would be a nice reminder. Maybe later she could try and surprise Draco to see that face once more often?

"Did you manage to figure it out?" Lavender grumbled.

Hermione could tell they were getting impatient. And, to be honest, so was she. Dinner was finished quite some time ago. She wanted to go home and ravish her boyfriend. She could probably explain everything in one breath but then she and Draco would be denied the astonishment. Not even Harry knew, and Hermione couldn't lie and say that she wasn't particularly excited to see his face.

"Yeah, we went back to the Manor," Draco sighed. Hermione could tell he was getting tired. She wouldn't ruin the surprise but she'd be quick about it. She didn't want him too tired to play later.

"We got back to the Manor and found Harry peacock free," Hermione said, pausing so everyone could chuckle. "He left shortly after and we followed the feathers to find several of the birds pecking at Lucius's robes."

"What?!" The men gaped. The women were clearly in shock, and Hermione was giddy in anticipation for them learning who would think of such a dastardly plot utilising the Malfoy peacocks.

"It was quite a sight," Hermione smiled, "I don't think I've ever seen him so disheveled."

"Was this a symptom?" Daphne asked, probably the smartest woman - after Hermione, of course - in the room. She wasn't prone to gossip like Ginny and Pansy, but she was still spontaneous and fun enough to attract the youngest Weasley.

"We tried to take them away, but they always found their way back to him. Lucius tried to hide in the library, his study, the master suite, the bathtub. He couldn't get away from them," Hermione chuckled, along with everyone else. She could see Draco smirking, but also holding back a cringe. She knew what was coming, and she knew Draco was still coming to terms with the information, so she could understand his plight. It was nice to see that he could still find the humour of it all, though. Yes, he definitely deserved a reward when they got home.

"And?" Ron fidgeted. He was sitting at the edge of his seat.

"Well, we found him in the bathroom, muttering to himself. We could only hear gibberish, but from what we could make out of it, something about 'greasy' and 'ungrateful' and 'shampoo'," Hermione explained. She let everyone laugh and the information sink in. She squeezed Draco's thigh in support, and continued, "Based off that we went to see Severus at Spinner's End. Needless to say, he was expecting us."

"IT WAS HIM?!" Ron shouted, jumping out of his seat. Everyone else shared the same sentiment, but none voiced it in such a way. Hermione figured they all knew Ron was going to do so - they had all been having these weekly dinners for two years now.

"Yes," she replied. "Apparently Lucius had gifted him with some orchid-infused shampoo meant to rid him of his greasy disposition. Severus didn't take it too kindly. Having your lover imply that your hair needs to be washed, and all."

As Hermione expected, everyone's jaw was on the floor. Draco's eyes were closed, so she patted him on the shoulder. She wanted to laugh at everyone, but knew that it would put off her boyfriend. To keep the peace - and ensure that their evening wouldn't be ruined - she held back.

"You _must_ be joking," Harry gaped.

"Poor Narcissa," Daphne and Pansy mumbled.

"Oh no," Hermione interjected, "She was in on it. She didn't like it when Lucius insulted their other lover. She fed the peacocks the potion Severus brewed."

"No way," Ginny and Ron breathed out, speechless.

"Yup," Hermione said, popping her lips on the 'p'. "Alright, Harry, thanks for dinner. I think Draco and I will be off now." Hermione grabbed him by the hand and pulled him up from his seat. He was rapidly blinking, more than likely attempting to rid himself of the mental images - she wouldn't tell him she found it all kind of hot - and walked out of the silent room.

Kreacher was at the door waiting for them, like he always did. He handed them their robes, being extra kind to the disheartened Draco. "Masters Dracos be comings over again and Kreacher will helps with forgetting."

For a moment, Hermione wanted to stay and ask Kreacher how he knew what was happening and what he could do to help Draco forget. Was it some sort of elf magic? Or just some Black family magic that Kreacher was privy to? She was about to start interrogating the elf, but noticed the pained look on Draco's face. Now, that wouldn't do. She could always ask Kreacher another time.

She linked arms with him as they stepped out the door. Kissing his cheek, she whispered into his ear, "Come along, Draco. You were good tonight. When we get home, I'll allow you a treat."


End file.
